The Art of Mindful Sex

Butterfly Nebula as seen in FEMME by Nazim Artist

When most people think of mindfulness they usually think of being kind, aware of another person or personal mindfulness in a meditation or yoga practice. Have you thought of taking consciousness into the bedroom? If not, be prepared for not only an orgasm with your body but with your entire soul! Once you master these artful techniques you will refuse to settle for less than.

Becoming mindful during sex can improve health, spiritual connection with your partner and the universe, be meditative, create oneness, and increase intuition.

So how is it done?

It’s simple yet may take some practice, conversation and releasing a few personal habits and hangups.

Eye Contact

Take time before and during sex to look into your partner’s eyes. Stay there. What do you see? What do you feel? Allow this connection to flow through your entire body. The saying, “the eyes are the windows to the soul” holds true. The eye of the pupil dilates when in dim lighting but did you know they also dilate when a person looks at another that they love or when sexually aroused? It’s as if they are inviting us in for a deeper view of the energy within. Sex doesn’t start in the act of. It begins long before. While greeting your partner after a long day, make eye contact. Also on occasion while kissing. I know… you were told you are supposed to kiss with your eyes closed. Ditch that rule! I see it differently … and so will you. 😉

Be In The Now

Why are you worried about the laundry that needs to be done or what happened at work today? Hello!? You are having SEX! Stay in the moment. Often we grow up, gain more and more responsibility, become parents and so forth. This can take over our mind. Steal our joys and pleasures. But only because we allow them too. Sometimes I believe women may be a little more guilty of this trait than men. Men tend to know how to take relax time. Take note and learn from the men in your life when this is hard for you ladies. Steer your mind back to what is actually happening, not what happened previously or what needs to happen in the future. Breathing, even stopping can help with this. If this has previously been a struggle for you talk with your partner. Let them know sometimes you feel like you have so much going on that your mind needs to be reeled back in. Stop. Make that eye contact. Breathe slowly together and bring yourself back into the now, the present moment.


Outside of the obvious of wanting to jump your partner’s bare body, what intentions do you have? Would you like a deeper connection? Are one of you a little under the weather? Maybe intentions to heal if so. Intentions to allow a perfect balance of masculine and feminine energy to flow without concern of what partner is giving the most of a specific trait. Perhaps the intention to get pregnant or not to get pregnant?  These are just a few ideas to get you started. The list is endless as sex has such a powerful energy it can help with many aspects of life when the intentions are set.

Release Judgment

Sex can be some of the most judgmental times of our lives. Judging ourselves and our partner. Seems silly really. We have chosen to connect with another human being at the rawest, deepest, most intimate level, yet we are judging. This is usually due to programming, lack of self-confidence and unexplored self-knowledge. The shadow self can play a major role in the bedroom. The shadow self is the “darker side” of our personality and desires. We have preconceived ideas of what these are determined by our past. Whether it was how we were raised, conversations with peers or experiences with previous partners. Often the shadow self just craves a little attention, exploration and then you can move on. If something you THINK is different, off or weird, explore it. Talk to your partner about the thoughts. Sometimes just a good conversation or “play” around your thoughts can rid you of having anxiety and judgment about them. Encourage conversation from your partner too. You may be surprised to find they have similar thoughts.

male female chakras

Spark the Chakras

If you are not familiar with chakras, they are energy centers that are in line with your spine. They spin just like a wheel. When spinning at an even healthy pace they are in tune. If spinning too fast or too slow, they may need some work. It is a good practice to show our chakras attention on a regular basis, to keep them healthy. Sex is a fabulous time to heal and tune chakras. Here is a basic guide to chakras to get you started.

  1. Root – Base of Spine – Helps with feeling grounded.
  2. Sacral – Two inches Below Belly Button – Provides Creativity & Sexual Energy
  3. Solar Plexus – Two inches Above Belly Button – Personal Power / Confidence
  4. Heart – Center of Chest – Giving & Receiving Love
  5. Throat – Center of Neck – Communication
  6. Third Eye – Center of Forehead / Slightly above Eyebrows – Intuition
  7. Crown – Just Above Head – Higher Self / Guidance from pure Source

Once a week or so take 5 – 10 mins to face each other, hold hands and focus on a specific chakra before sex. If you like you can play meditative music or just be in silence. Focus on your chakra of choice but stick to just one for the duration. If this is all new for you I would suggest starting with the root chakra and work your way up in future sessions. After 5 – 10 minutes is complete you may even like to lay your hand on the area of that chakra on your partner (taking turns). Think of energy flowing from your hand through them, healing that chakra. Then continue with making love with intention of healing and tuning that chakra.

Create Art

After I have given you all of these topics to think about, now I’m going to tell you to detach from them. This will take some practice. Think less, instead, flow to create the art of sex. Allow your intuition to guide you. Your thoughts and “work” have been put in by reading, gaining knowledge, conversation, etc. Just like a dance, flow with the vibrational music you and your partner orchestrate and enjoy…

About the author:

drmelissacarver203x203Melissa Carver specializes in Metaphysics, guiding her clients through the art of manifestation with one-on-one webinars and in-person sessions. Melissa is also a graduate of the Chopra Center University, completing her certification in the Perfect Health: Ayurvedic Lifestyle program. She and her husband, Leo Carver, are the core of Holistic Life Sciences, providing the Chopra Certified Ayurvedic Health Course throughout the state of Kentucky.

Melissa also received her PH.D. in Philosophy, with a specialty in Metaphysics from the University of Sedona.






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